Severus Snape's Book of Christmas Carols
by Raven Black and Jinks Loather
Summary: Just some little ditties we compiled in our spare time that seemed to fit with the dreary mood of Mister Snape. Please review! This is our first story to be posted here. Submit your ideas! We need carols!
1. Twelve Days of Hogwarts

When you are Severus Snape, a being who virtually ignores the fact that there _are_ things worth celebrating (other than the demise of his enemies,) why not go around to the houses of the Marauders and sing some -ahem- _cheerful_ carols to make the holidays even blither?

_Twelve Days of Hogwarts (Parody: "Twelve Days of Christmas")_

_On my first day of Hogwarts the Marauders gave to me,_

_A very "happy" curse just for me!_

_On my second day of Hogwarts the Marauders gave to me,_

_Two snapping owls_

_And a very "happy" curse just for me!_

_On my third day of Hogwarts the Marauders gave to me,_

_Three rabid cats_

_Two snapping owls_

_And a very "happy" curse just for me!_

_On my fourth day of Hogwarts the Marauders gave to me,_

_Four exploding snaps_

_Three rabid cats_

_Two snapping owls_

_And a very "happy" curse just for me!_

_On my fifth day of Hogwarts the Marauders gave to me,_

_Five buzzing bees!_

_Four exploding snaps_

_Three rabid cats_

_Two snapping owls_

_And a very "happy" curse just for me!_

_On my sixth day of Hogwarts the Marauders gave to me,_

_Six angry goblins_

_Five buzzing bees!_

_Four exploding snaps_

_Three rabid cats_

_Two snapping owls_

_And a very "happy" curse just for me!_

_On my seventh day of Hogwarts the Marauders gave to me,_

_Seven whomping willows _**(A/N: Ouch!)**

_Six angry goblins_

_Five buzzing bees!_

_Four exploding snaps_

_Three rabid cats_

_Two snapping owls_

_And a very "happy" curse just for me!_

_On my eighth day of Hogwarts the Marauders gave to me,_

_Eight mad werewolves_

_Seven whomping willows_

_Six angry goblins_

_Five buzzing bees!_

_Four exploding snaps_

_Three rabid cats_

_Two snapping owls_

_And a very "happy" curse just for me!_

_On my ninth day of Hogwarts the Marauders gave to me,_

_Nine garden gnomes_

_Eight mad werewolves_

_Seven whomping willows_

_Six angry goblins_

_Five buzzing bees!_

_Four exploding snaps_

_Three rabid cats_

_Two snapping owls_

_And a very "happy" curse just for me!_

_On my tenth day of Hogwarts the Marauders gave to me,_

_Ten grumbling house-elves_

_Nine garden gnomes_

_Eight mad werewolves_

_Seven whomping willows_

_Six angry goblins_

_Five buzzing bees!_

_Four exploding snaps_

_Three rabid cats_

_Two snapping owls_

_And a very "happy" curse just for me!_

_On my eleventh day of Hogwarts the Marauders gave to me,_

_Eleven dragons roaring_

_Ten grumbling house-elves_

_Nine garden gnomes_

_Eight mad werewolves_

_Seven whomping willows_

_Six angry goblins_

_Five buzzing bees!_

_Four exploding snaps_

_Three rabid cats_

_Two snapping owls_

_And a very "happy" curse just for me!_

_On my twelfth day of Hogwarts the Marauders gave to me,_

_Twelve stunning spells_

_Eleven dragons roaring_

_Ten grumbling house-elves_

_Nine garden gnomes_

_Eight mad werewolves_

_Seven whomping willows_

_Six angry goblins_

_Five buzzing bees!_

_Four exploding snaps_

_Three rabid cats_

_Two snapping owls_

_And a very "happy" curse just for me!_

**(A/N: Sure, it's kind of dumb. So what? That's what makes things funny, right? Chuckles weakly Anyway…. R&R? _Please?)_**


	2. I Wish You a Horrid Christmas

_I Wish You a Horrid Christmas (Parody: "We Wish You a Merry Christmas")_

_I wish you a horrid Christmas, I wish you a horrid Christmas, I wish you a horrid Christmas and a rotten new year!_

_I wish you a horrid Christmas, I wish you a horrid Christmas, I wish you a horrid Christmas and a rotten new year!_

_Bad tidings I bring, to you and your kin! I hope they all die of black plague and malaria!_

_I want some figgy pudding! I want some figgy pudding! I want some figgy pudding, and death to your friends!_

_And I won't go until I get some! I won't go until I get some! I won't go until I get some, or I'll kill your spouses!_

_Bad tidings I bring, to you and your kin! I hope they all die of black plague and malaria!_

_And malaria!_


	3. Wreck the Halls

**Sorry for not updating this for so long. We couldn't find the paper we had the carols written on.**

Wreck the Halls

Wreck the halls with balls of slime!

Fa-la-la-la-la-la-blah-blah-blah!

Here we are just wasting time!

Fa-la-la-la-la-la-blah-blah-blah!

Here I am to curse your friends!

Fa-la-la-la-la-la-blah-blah-blah!

Gnomes are here to plot your end!

Fa-la-la-la-la-la-blah-blah-blah!

See the blazing school before us!

Fa-la-la-la-la-la-blah-blah-blah!

With it goes the burning chorus!

Fa-la-la-la-la-la-blah-blah-blah!

I shall now inf'lct doom upon you!

Fa-la-la-la-la-la-blah-blah-blah!

With my curse I bid adieu!

Fa-la-la-la-la-la-blah-blah-blah!

**Sorry for such a short one this time. Snape got kinda violent with this one!**

**If you have any suggestions for another carol we can mess up, feel free to tell us! Read and review or else my shadow will find you!**


	4. Evil Elves

**Thank you for all of your fun reviews. You guys are sweet.**

**Evil Elves (Jingle Bells)**

_There is lots of snow_

_Smothering all of school_

_Make my spirits light_

_Crashing into trees!_

_The snow is turning red_

_I hope you're almost dead!_

_Now we're at the hospital_

_I'm laughing at your head!_

_Oh! Evil elves! Evil elves! Evil elves are coming!_

_They come at night to plot your fright_

_With their clubs in hand! Hey!_

_Horrid gnomes! Horrid gnomes! Horrid Gnomes are here!_

_Here they are to chomp your bones!_

_No more Mauraders!_

Yes. We know the first verse had nothing to do with the other verses. We couldn't think of anything else! Stop making fun of us! And review or my evil shadow will hunt you down!


	5. Lupin the Rabid Werewolf

**Author's Note: Snape gave many indicators to the class that Lupin was a werewolf that Hermione picked up. But when he came into Potions class one day singing this song, this was really what drove the point home for Hermione. Unfortunately, the rest of the class was so stunned about the fact that Snape was actually singing, they didn't listen to the lyrics.**

* * *

**_Lupin the Rabid Werewolf_**

_Lupin the Rabid Werewolf_  
_Had a very black wet nose,_  
_And if you ever saw him_  
_You would shout and scream "Oh no!"_

_All of the other wizards_  
_Used to scream and run away!_  
_They never let poor Lupin_  
_Join in any teacher games!_

_Then one foggy Hogwarts eve_  
_Dumbledore came to say,_  
_"Lupin with your brain so vast,_  
_Won't you come and teach a class?"_

_Some reason the students loved him_  
_Even though he was a freak_  
_Lupin the Rabid Werewolf,_  
_You'll be outta here next week!_

* * *

**Unfortunately for Snape, he wasn't.**

**...Also, Lupin's a werewolf. Hope you kids got that. It was the point of the song...**


End file.
